For the purpose of this question, the target age range is 20-30. Asking because I feel like I’m wasting my youth.
Master your inner dialogue and emotions.
Practice speaking positively and rationally to yourself. Use affirmations, mantras, or visualisations for confidence, for forgiveness of yourself and others, relaxation, motivation.
If you ever feel like crying, it is important to cry hard and deep, and then it’s important to recover after with some kind of happy celebration, whether it’s playing or a treat, just something nice to help your body learn to get happy after being sad, angry, or scared.
Stop reaching for distractions when powerful emotions come on. Face the emotion. Study it with curiosity. Feel it fully. And comfort yourself positively until it passes.
Start down this road now. You don’t want to end up 40, done with school, done with your parents, done with your first couple of real jobs, and have no idea how to control yourself throughout the day.
Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.
Forgive yourself and others but learn from those experiences. As a saying goes "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
This is really valuable advise. I’m 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I’m looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I’m really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it’s called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.
Learn about retirement plans. Compound interest is a young person’s best friend. Compound interest makes rich old people.
Every dollar you sock away in your 20s is worth so much more than waiting until you are in your 50s
Take care of your body and keep it healthy. You have plenty of time to acquire habits helping that and slowly get rid of those damaging it - use that time before the issue is forced on you.
I tell people to keep an eye on their diet. Once you hit your early 20s that whole teen “I can eat a whole pizza and be fine” is gone. It is incredibly easy to go over your calorie needs in a week and after a year you’ve gained 2-3 lbs or more. Before you know it by 30 or 40 you are 50+ lbs over and obese and now you are struggling to lose it. It creeps up on you.
Get away from tech on a regular basis. Allow yourself to be in your own thoughts occasionally. I think constantly being tied to phones and the internet is killing creativity because we never have those day dreaming moments that lead to inspiration.
Don’t spend huge chunks of your life on video games. They are a fun distraction but at the end of the day is it just bits on some server that could be shut down at any moment. Get off of the dopamine treadmill.
Get a service industry job to learn a healthy sense of misanthropy
I don’t recommend it, but it can definitely give you a perspective of the kind of shit people have to put up with
Goals.
You’re not going anywhere unless you DECIDE to go there.
Forget “how do I know if its the right goal”?
You’re can modify and change your goals as you go. Kind of like practice?
Just do it. Start small. Review regularly. Act on the steps that reach your goal.
Psychedelics.
If you need to learn one rule it is “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”
Travel
Live way below your means, but still go out and have fun. For cheap. Dont cheap out money or time wise on things that need to last, like education, health, and shoes.
Do one adventure trip where you are out of your comfort envelope, pushing yourself physically, etc. Don’t make it a booze/party trip.
Learn how to be happy alone. Simple!
Really though, if you figure this out, a lot of other things click into place. I used to think it was impossible. Just words miserable people said to make themselves feel less lonely.
Okay, sometimes it’s still that, but I’ve come to enjoy being able to focus on whatever I want to focus on without the distractions, drama, and/or gnawing desperation.
Honestly go out and figure out your sexual preferences by exploring and experimenting. I find this happens a lot. A young couple get together in early twenties. Then they slowly drift apart because y’all honestly didn’t make a solid decision on who to settle down with. It causes so much pain, heartbreak and financial stress.
Just be honest. Hit the apps and let everyone know what you’re doing. Just meet people. If they are weird no big deal meet the next person. And you will probably fall in love but you have to be strong and make sure to only give that heart out to the one you know will take care of it.
When you get that feeling about a person but you know they aren’t the one identify why you like them. You will probably form a pretty solid idea of your preferences this way. At least I did.
Put money aside for the future.
As a virgin, If you had an opportunity to get laid (safely) with someone you at the very least don’t have negative feelings and you consider it more than average, do it. Otherwise you could regret passing in.
