volvoxvsmarla

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • Also, everything seems to have to be a gift now. Can’t just buy a thing and give it to them. It has to wait to be a present. Or maybe that’s just my wife.

    We specifically don’t wait for holidays to give things we want to gift to our daughter (soon to be 3). On her birthday in two weeks she will get a book, a plush animal, and a second hand peppa pig puzzle (I hate peppa pig but she loves it and she doesn’t even know there is a show). That’s it, but she gets many things throughout the year. My husband hates holidays and celebrations, I think that’s where this feeling of “let’s please not make a huge stock of presents to give her twice a year” came from. And it is so much less pressure to find “the perfect gift”.

    And you can get rid of things much more easily. I don’t know about you, but if I got a bad birthday present, I tend to keep it, because it was a birthday present. Same for children’s stuff. She got that for her first birthday feels different than she got that when she was around 14 months. Somehow it’s less sentimental, and I am an awfully sentimental and nostalgic person, so this saves my ass.

    Another point is that can change interests so quickly. I would not dare to buy her something peppa pig themed right now for Christmas or plan ahead for her 4th birthday. Or let’s say she needs a new bike - why would I wait until the end of summer to give it to her just because it’s her birthday.

    But talk to me again on September 9th, I usually get very sad that we don’t celebrate with a crap ton of presents and decorations and a big party right before her birthday.







  • Not gonna lie, no matter how gross the age difference is, I keep thinking about the couples from my high school (in Germany, where the age of consent is 14) where there were 12 and 13 year olds involved with 17-19 year olds. It was rare but it happened and the relationships often lasted quite a while, so it was kind of… consensual, for lack of a better term. And since I don’t know the girl or Van De Velde personally and I haven’t been there, I wanted to abstain from judging this other than on the legal basis.

    But when I read that he gave her alcohol - a 12 year old - no way. Sorry but no matter how iN lOvE anyone was or whatever, you do not give a 12 year old alcohol, unless it’s a sip of your beer and she’s your kid (saying this as someone raised in Bavaria). But other than that, no alcohol. And when you end up fucking a 12 year old - which is awful to begin with, worse since they only met - and first intoxicating her, that is just the point at which you cannot argue any kind of maturity, love, attraction, age of consent crap or whatever anymore. You intoxicated and fucked a minor. Period.

    The more details from the case are revealed the more I have to say fuck that guy. But at the same time - fuck the judges double and triple.


  • It’s 14 in Germany? Yuck.

    Why tough. It’s not like you are a child mentally by age 17 years 11 months 29 days and then BOOM birthday happens and your mind becomes mature all of the sudden.

    We assume that kids grow to adults in their teenage years. And we grant them our trust and support them to make decisions for themselves, more and more so.

    To me, trying to criminalize sex for teenagers has about the same effect as outlawing abortion. It will still happen, it will just be much less safe.

    I want my daughter to be able to come to me about questions and if she decides she’s ready to engage on sexual acts, and be able to do it at home where she’s safe and comfortable and not in a car or outside or a public toilet. I don’t want her to risk getting an STI because she is afraid of buying condoms or asking questions. Her feeling that she is “committing a crime” will not make her safe.

    I also want to point out: rape, incest etc are obviously still illegal. And let’s be clear here - sexual assault in minors is awful, but/because it is assault. There is explicitly no consent there. These cases very often happen by grown ass adults that the children know - family members or close family friends. I doubt that a 14 year old will willingly agree to have sex with her dad or uncle - no matter whether this is legal or illegal.


  • That’s what I assumed. Probably the 12 year old “agreed” to everything.

    I’ll be frank here, I remember being a teen in Germany. And let me tell you these were some horny times for some classmates. But at no point, also not looking back, would I have said any of these girls or boys who were sexually active at 14, 13 or even 12, have done so out of pressure or against their will. And judging from what I know of them today, all of them are in secure, healthy relationships and live happy, successful, and fulfilling lives. I’ll also point out that we have sex ed from early on (I remember in elementary), so at the age of consent everyone of us has put a condom on a banana in class at least once. Everyone knows where babies come from, we learn how cycles work, what different kinds of contraceptives there are. Also, just because the age of consent is 14 doesn’t mean you are required to lose your virginity at or by age 14.

    Now, you still have to draw the line somewhere. I personally don’t think it should be 18 because it’s just unrealistic to assume that teenagers won’t have sex. Or that they will only have sex with other teenagers. “Gap laws” seem sensible to me. But that’s just my opinion, and it is very influenced by the open culture and a societal distinction between kids and youngsters.

    And in this case, he is from a country where the age of consent was set to 16. In Britain it is also 16. So even if I can somehow imagine that it was “mutual”, 19 and 12 is in no way even close to legal in neither country. I don’t really know how this case has made it to court. As I said, I know quite a bunch of people who had sex before the age of consent, but they usually kept that, well, out of the courtroom.


  • I actually wholeheartedly believe in reintegration of convicted criminals in society. I also, maybe even more wholeheartedly, believe that pedophiles need to be open about it so that they can get the help to cope with their urges, and we should not be judgemental about it and stigmatize them ahead of time - the majority of SA offenders who attack minors are not pedophiles. You won’t prevent a pedophile from assaulting a minor by yelling at him for his preferences alone.

    Now, that being said, fuck this guy. A misstep? If this happened in 2016 he should still be serving his sentence and definitely not be back on the Olympic team.

    Ok, I looked it up: it happened in 2014, so he was 20 then. The age of consent in the Netherlands is surprisingly high (16), so you cannot even claim due diligence or anything. (I am from Germany and over here it is 14, and I have known a couple of 14-18+ relationships, and I could have seen a case where a German 18 year old guy has sexual relations with a British 15 year old and gets in trouble because of this.) He was sentenced to 4 years and served 1. One year for raping a 12 year old girl when he was 20. Wtf? The judges should be ashamed. And as for the Olympic team, shame on them too. This guy should not be representing your country.




  • Oh and the Russians have had people killed outside Russia when they felt the need to so you’re not really safe anywhere once you’re on their hit list.

    Well to be fair, I’d argue that’s not an argument. People are willing to go to prison and die for their beliefs (case and point Navalny). So what is your own destiny or death when you can save your family, friends, and country from this dictator. I’m sure you would find a willing kamikaze assassin.



  • Yeah there have been “news just hit!” articles for years and years and years about how he has terminal cancer or parkinsons or anything else and is about to die soon. That his face is bloated because of steroids because of some cancer treatment or whatever. (Somehow no one ever attributes it to an overuse of fillers.) And the first 5 articles you might fall for it, but after the sixth article like that and in something like year 8 you kinda realize that these news have no substantial claim. Fool me five times, shame on you. Fool me six times shame on me.


  • I would argue - again, as you said, no morale here - it is a very tactical move.

    The more civilians die, the less there is support for the war to go on. Yes, some do feel more radicalized (“now I have nothing left to lose”) but I have come to learn that a majority feels just demoralized (“how many more need to die until this is stopped?”).

    (Please note: whatever you or I think we would feel in that situation is irrelevant, you can’t know unless you are in this very conflict right now, and also - any kind of thinking and feeling and emotion is valid. Both and everything in between makes sense.)

    The more civilians die or are harmed/attacked, the less the public feels safe. They aren’t because they know they are as much a target as a brigade. They know their enemy is ruthless. After over two years of constant fear and panic and death around you, you might very well start to disagree with a hardline position (“fight until Ukraine is free and Russia is defeated”). I’ve heard from much more refugees than I would have ever expected that they just want the conflict to end, yes, with losses on the Ukrainian side, with compromises that are not fair, but that they just want it to stop. Zelensky is losing popularity by the day because he has created that public image of someone who is not willing to compromise at any cost. Now imagine how amazing it must feel to Putin that people are mad that Zelensky cancelled the presidential election. It is obvious from the outside that holding an election, let alone changing a president in the middle of a war is insanity. For a lot of people, it is angering, since they don’t feel like the war will ever realistically stop with Zelensky in power.

    The other effect of targeting civilians like that is of course that you drive them out of the country. You create a refugee crisis. You destabilize Europe, look at Germany, we constantly bitch about tOo MaNy RefUGeeS. It creates tension, it creates a financial drain, people don’t want to support the war with missiles anymore. It has already cost “their country” (i.e. Germany etc) too much.

    So, yes, “only” 29 people have been confirmed dead so far. But the damage this missile created is much, much bigger than “just” 29 deaths. In some ways, this incredibly vicious tactic is brilliant.


  • I’m not sure what country you are from, but as someone whose vote literally is counted before I even see a ballot, let me tell you, please vote or at least do something. If you don’t like the way politics in your country work, go out and demonstrate. Take it to the streets. Talk to your neighbors, make leaflets. But please don’t just go bitter and sit in your corner because everything is shit anyways. Because this is how we ended up with a lot of the messes we are having now. I “voted” for the first time this year in a rigged election and before that I also always thought the way you do. Democracy is dead, why bother, my vote doesn’t count anyway. But once I stood in this fucking line and smuggled in a non erasable pen and voted and went out knowing no one will even look at this ballot something changed.