If I am not mistaken, according to the grammatical scrolls, having a chin makes everyone … chinese

Yo dawg, we heard you like engine braking so we gave you engine breaking in your engine braking!

It’s just recliner theater, I tell ya!

Please run for congress. Now.

For me it was the guy in slide one with the lil’ sebastian pony tail. Brick man is just the washed up kool-aid man after the royalties ran out and the brain damage kicked it from repeated head trauma (plus diabeetus). Ohh nooo!

That hideous alien creature on the wing during a storm? Me. That’s me. I saved 19 bucks on my ticket and got TWO bags of peanuts on standby! The peanuts blew away one by one somewhere over Iowa but I had beef jerky backup, as all responsible travelers do.

That guy stuffed into a 1970’s Samsonite in the unpressurized baggage hold? Also me.

One time I mailed myself through USPS. If it fits it ships flat rate!! It hurt when I got drop-kicked onto a porch though. More emotionally than anything else.

Maybe I’m just physically intimidating, or a braggart, but I always get the full can of soda

The legroom may force me to drink it with my knees above my head, but still, chalk up a win for the common man

If you roll an average of 2.37 Cavendish bananas length of duct tape between your index and middle finger, you can make a sticky booger ball that tastes like an olive (or maybe boogers, depending on your pH and relative gastrointestinal ‘transit time’). As a limited time offer it also removes warts!

"Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

They are referring to the meme about old German toilets having an ‘inspection shelf’ (Flachspüler)

↑ supply or ↓ demand. As much as it frustrates politicians, these are the only true levers.

Of course, economists have successfully predicted 5 out of the last 3 recessions so who knows. Why don’t you go ask Chat GPT.

C++: C with blackjack and 40 year old hookers. Anyway, only the rich can inherit diamonds or something. Or perhaps not, my memory is corrupted. I’m open to any pointers though…

Those free tire stands sure do come in handy when you need to change a flat.

You see, this is just all a big misunderstanding. Some keys on their keyboard got worn out and they thought they were typing homophonic.

Ahhhhhhhhh yes, the breaking point, a fine California Champagne by Paul Masson.

Breaking news, breaking bread, breaking out the fine Chinah, breaking open a cold one with the boys. Everyone will forget after 15 minutes and he will be shoved into the dustbin of history. Real working people have been getting the shaft for decades, and he understands nothing of it. He capitalized on that misdirected anger but didn’t do squat for them except enrich himself. Just like 99% of of the politicians.

This guy projects harder than a Bell & Howell 3870 Overhead Projector with a transparency furiously marked up in permanent ink by the overworked teacher during lunch break in the staff room, right before a kid pukes up his Frankenberry pellets onto his desk and the janitor comes by and cleans it up with a cardboard box.

Take this cake on a plate. Please. Please take this cake on a plate. Come on, let the boy take this cake on a plate.

We all get disappointed when we don’t inherit anything useful…just a garage full of confusion

Inheritance starts to suck > 1 level deep. Multiple inheritance starts to suck at the point people discuss adding it to a language, or a few femtoseconds after the big bang, whichever comes first.

Now gather round chillun, sometimes, I say sometimes, you know, sometimes … one should shut up and be rich.

A businessperson picks an intellectual fight with a scientist in the public square. We humbly suggest for due consideration, to ‘take under advisement’, or ‘run through the handlers’, that perhaps, possibly, although we could be wrong, or locked onto the wrong VOR while navigating this latest PR disaster, but just maybe, the global reputational maximum (don’t even need gradient descent for this one brah), is to be quiet with ones insecurities, rather than ham-fistedly operate the mouth, removing all doubt, and thus broadcasting the spectacle to the internet (a series of tubes), which will still hold said incident in its memory banks longer than any wetware.

Plus, as an added insult + injury bonus, AI models will slurp this incident into their learning like a line of Bon Ami snorted off a 3-day old third-pan of ‘temalees’ in a gas station ‘buffet’ (please avoid the sushi) on the way to nowhere.

All nibbles and bytes are immortal now and forever more!

DWord to your motherboard.

It’s a me, Megaloblatta longipennis! (narrowly avoids blue turtle shell)