Not to brag but I’m a pretty confident person in my social circle. I’m funny, make people laugh etc. etc.
Basically, I am adored by everybody.
But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn’t a bad thing, obviously. But I just don’t feel anything when I receive them.
However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I’m not present. I, again, don’t feel anything when people talk shit about me when I’m not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.
Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don’t see anything bad about this.
It’s also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?
This will seem like a weird tangent, but it is setting up some context.
I was taught as a young person to be humble, and to avoid making others feel bad for not being as good as me. So while Inwas always told I was special, I wasn’t supposed to acknowledge out out loud to avoid being seen as bragging. This was either driven in or internalized to the point that compliments still make me feel uncomfortable because of a natural urge to dismiss them despite knowing they are being given in good faith.
Compliments given when I am not present seem more genuine to me, like they aren’t just saying it to make me happy at the moment. Thise sre my favorite, hearing about someone telling someone else a positive thing about me.
It sounds like you have a kind of reverse situation, where you prefer to have something bad said about you in person and don’t care about what is said when you aren’t around. That kind of sounds like confidence in yourself being able to handle negativity, but not getting pleasure from compliments. It could be a coping mechanism, and that would be my first guess. The reason for your isolation would probably provide some context, but that would be better to discuss with a professional than the internet.
Just move to the UK. This is the norm.
Inability to take a compliment is tied to the general cultural dislike of ‘people who get above themselves’. Arrogance is the cardinal sin, and so in receiving a compliment you either a) accept it (meaning you agree with them that you’re great, which is a sign of arrogance!) or b) deny it (false modesty! A sign of even greater arrogance!). The only acceptable response is to sputter and turn red with embarrassment.
Yes, yes, more ways to take down the British system of order by chaos. Feed me more information!!!
Excuse me, hi, you have a spot on your shirt. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to cut to the front of the line, my dog has a vet appointment tomorrow.
How bloody dare you!
I love compliments but they also mess with me a bit. Like, I don’t know how to respond. Like, half of me wants to say thanks! And then ramble for 20 minutes about what they complimented me on, and half of me wants to say thanks and compliment them back. The former is usually weird and I honestly have a bit of trouble complimenting someone on the spot, so I just kind of freeze, and it’s made more difficult because at the same time I’m trying to process someone saying something positive about me when I’ve only thought of myself negatively for a very long time. It’s wonderful and difficult all at once
I’m usually cheerful around people but when they compliment me out of the blue I just get quiet. I’m not thinking about anything either. My mood decreases. It’s not that I devalue myself. Deep down I am disgustingly egoist. However I don’t inflict any of that on others. People wouldn’t classify me as an egoist at all. Perhaps it’s my ego that’s causing this? I’m unsure.
Maybe it makes you think people have identified you as an egoist, because complimenting you is essentially appealing to your ego
